_.jpg)
OK so it's not the hardest thing to get motivated for holiday decorating for some people. I see decorations as early as October here in the burbs.
I'm am a bit envious of some of the homes - I drive by peoples houses and I in awe of the lights and the dedication that went into such intricate weaving of the strands. And I think, I want a blowup unicorn I want OLAF, I want blinking lights with music!!
So then why was it so hard for me to put up a 12 inch tree and a couple a little lights around some windows?? Like pit in my stomach and my heart chakra feeling uncomfortable ? I mean who doesn't love Christmas? I know i used to love it!!
We would get up early, and open presents, and then get ready in our Christmas best, and go to our cousins house we could NOT WAIT…………...and then I can remember the exact Christmas that it all changed.
It was the year my mother had stopped drinking for Christmas, probably two or three days before, and on Christmas Eve in NY , in my aunt and uncle's kitchen my mother fell down and had a seizure due to severe withdrawal. This was somethings she didn't count on so that Christmas eve we spent the hospital. I was scared out of my mind.
She ended up clearly being ok but Christmas was never the same
Every year my sister and I take my niece our for Christmas. We’ve been to 5 or 6 Disney on ice performances, we've been skating at City hall and have seen all the lights at the Zoo. I love seeing Christmas through her eyes- and I like seeing it through my eyes - i’s ok that sometimes the trauma creeps back every now. It's just a reminder.
I've never gonna forget what happened but Im glad I was able to start changing how I see the holidays again.
I think next year I'm going to even have a Christmas tree trimming party maybe will bake some cookies... see you in 2021